Here are simple ideas for taking revenge into your writing, always a satisfying event, even if no one else reads it. Here are 5 easy ways to get back at people who have wronged you AND have some fun as you sweat and swear over your keyboard:
1. Base odious characters on odious people you know. Give them the same names.
2. Have these odious characters have sex. In unusual ways. A sense of place is good here too.
3. When the book is published, yell “you’re in my book!” as you run past everyone you meet, smiling and waving. You’ll make a lot of sales, I’m sure.
4. Tell your family they cannot read the book before it is published. Do not tell them it is a history of Napoleon’s most successful military campaigns. Watch their faces fall on publication day.
5. Give your book to people at public moments to make them look awkward. If we learned anything from the late Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, it’s that. Remember when he slipped Obama his book during a conga line of handshakes at a G-13 summit? Hilarious.
The next time I publish a book, I want a special laminated bookmark of me, naked, as the promotional piece. It’s just what so many deserve.
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