/Beth Wareham

People are getting a little wacky with the authenticity demands on green smoothies. I feel bad about it because I am never going to eat whirled up raw cabbage. Same goes with nettles. True of turnip greens. No.Can.Do

I’m sorry I’m not “greens diverse” but my baby spinach and kale have to do. These things have to be as close to heaven as I can get them or I just won’t drink the thing down. It also has to be cold and very thick to trick my being into not thinking it’s some healthy lawn juice.

Here are some ideas for ever creamier Green Smoothies:

1. Nut butters: peanut, cashew and almond butter are all wonderful in a green smoothie. Pair with a coconut base and you will always be right. (How simple is that?)

2. Refrigerated Coconut Milk: Leave a can of coconut milk in the refrigerator overnight. Open and remove the thick white solids settled at the bottom of the can. Add to the smoothie and use use the rest o the milk for another purpose.

3. Frozen fruit: Find frozen fruit with no sugar added for your green smoothies. Because the fruit is ice cold, you won’t need to add ice cubes and your drink will be much creamier and thicker.

4. 100% Fruit: I stir in a tablespoon of 100% fruit (with no added sugar) after I finish whirling the smoothie. It jacks up the flavor and thickens the drink.

5. Presoaked Chia Seeds: Chia seeds hold moisture so you can change their flavor willy nilly. So, soak them in extra exotic juice and throw them in the smoothie AFTER you blend. They become a different kind of ingredient.

6. Melted dark chocolate: It takes seconds in a microwave and a minute on the stovetop but allows you to put top quality, high fat dark chocolate into your drinks. Heaven.

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Unknown-11. SLEEP – If you need 8 or 9 hours, make sure you get it. Nothing makes you binge eat quicker than exhaustion. You just can’t fill that hole where the zzzzzzs go.

2. DRINK –   Every time you want a snack  make one of these.  (CLICK HERE) They take  45 seconds to 1 minute to prepare. New and healthy ingredients flow into the house when you are on the smoothie trail. The milkshake quality feels like a treat and the nutrition keeps you full and feeling good, something you probably aren’t that used to.  In between these “stealth health” smoothie snacks, drink water. Lots. Put slices of lemon and cucumber in it. Drink it with your pinky in the air.

3.  EAT – Eat lots of foods with color. White foods such as flour, potatoes, pasta and refined sugar will do you in before your time. It’s that simple and it’s your choice. Green, red, yellow and orange should paint your plate.

4.  LAUGH – Modern life has simply created more stress than our bodies know how to process. You have to give up some of the worry if you want to really live. (Colbert, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and John Oliver are good too.) Visualization, mindfulness, meditation and naps can all lead you into the rest zone.  Stress releases cortisol which sends globs of fat to the middle of the body. You have to lower stress levels to lower cortisol levels to lower belly fat levels. So laugh. Blow it off. Go surfing. Tomorrow is another day.

5.  LIVE – All this fat business is boring. Stop thinking so much about it. Do one thing today to lessen your caloric intake. Do one thing tomorrow that gets you a little rest. Be easy on yourself.  You are the one that needs to be happy with your body, no one else.

And me? Some fat is okay because I’m going for really strong.

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Stop Being Stupid about Protein: 5 Clean Substitutes That Don’t Kill Chickens


Oh, lean white meat is just fine. The only problem is it takes like NOTHING. I burn my chicken just so it will have some sort of flavor and I know I’m alive.

Here are some other ideas that can hold their weight with the dreaded skinless, boneless

1. Romaine lettuce: 50% protein and 18% healthy fat by calories makes it more protein-rich than a chicken breast.

2. Avocado – It’s a fruit and it has more protein than cow’s milk. Enough said.

3. Ounce of almonds – Thats 14 grams of fat or about 1/2 of an average woman’s intake per day or 25 grams.

4. Flax Seed: Buy a bag of unground seeds. It lasts forever. Grind before putting into your smoothie: l cup has 12 grams of your protein needs. Put in a tablespoon in your smoothie and you are on your way to meeting daily requirements.

5. Homemade cashew milk – 6 grams of protein per serving (remember girls, you need 25 grams) and so fresh and delicious, it changes your outlook on life. Here are great instructions for homemade cashew milk:


Let’s give the chickens a few days off. Let’s give our tastebuds something besides those flavorless, skinless boneless boobs. I worry that eating so much of them makes us dumb as chickens and certainly contributes to our methane gas problems. Cow farts. Chicken farts. People farts, I suppose.

Poor Earth.

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The True Perfect Smoothie For One: The Ratio is 1/2:1:1:2


I was nosing around the interwebs and saw “never fail” steps for making a perfect smoothie. I was a bit alarmed at the overall use of banana, (100 calories or so per.)

I had a flash of the fat guy that blows up in The Meaning of Life. Or the outside of a box of “Colon Blow” I remember in a haze from #Saturday Nigh Live the 1980s.

Try this instead

1/2 banana or avocado
1 cup greens
1 cup fruit
2 – 3 cups base liquid

(Photo from myfitlife.com)

Buy small amounts of greens and herbs as they lose nutrients quickly. Have all ingredients cold so that you don’t waste flavor with ice melting. Large batches shouldn’t be held in the refrigerator because too many nutrients are lost.

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Peter Griffin is real and yeah, he’s fat

Some people have a fat personality. Now, before you get all mad, hear me out.

Fat is a lifestyle. Fat is an American lifestyle. You wear stretchy clothes, hang out with people like yourself, eat, drink and be merry. I’ve seen you people, deep in the fat lifestyle. I envied you: you were howling with laughter every time. i resented your lightness of spirit even though I knew your inseam would give from the load. At times, I was one of you.

There is only one problem with the siren’s call of the large lifestyle: it’s hard on your heart. And your liver and kidneys. Your joints don’t like it either. Hormones are manufactured in human fat so the endocrine system malfunctions – or over functions – as well. Diabetes is the scariest: too many missing limbs.

Live large, if you feel the need. Do not not sustain it. Understand that you court a reduced lifespan just as you would if you smoked a pack a day. Just as the Mad Men died in their 60s from smoke and drink, obese Americans will die far too early, breaking everyone’s heart.

Lose weight. Start by drinking a milkshake-like creation instead of a solid snack. You can have banana and chocolate and peanut butter. http://amzn.to/1uCAcdf In a couple of days or weeks, try one instead of lunch. Or try two instead of lunch. You will not believe what happens when your body gets what it needs.

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HUNGOVER? This #Smoothie Is the Cure

If you drink large amounts of alcohol on any one given day – or just enough so that you feel happy and the next day, well, sad – you need The Hangover #Smoothie.

I wrote it after I wrote this http://amzn.to/1u5bkuv but that book is full of hangover cures as well. This recipe is just a little more “targeted.”

Hangovers are comprised of the following: dehydration, headache, inflamed stomach and digestive tract, and you’ve peed out a bunch of nutrients your body wants. (It’s not just brain cells that die in the name of good fun…) Your body needs to rebuild in a hurry if you are not going to lose this whole day to your merry-making from the day before.

You’ll need spinach and parsley to power-load nutrition, green tea, coconut water or nut milks for quick rehydration, Vitamin C to help your body metabolize alcohol, and bananas, honey and milk to coat your inflamed digestive tract. Good luck.

The Hangover Smoothie

Banana, honey and milk coat the digestive linings and lower inflammation. The lemon, spinach and parsley power-load some of the vitamins and minerals you released into the universe last night. Vitamin C from the lemon and greens will help your body metabolize the alcohol faster. Drink up.

1 ripe banana
1- 2 tablespoons raw honey
Juice of 1 lemon
1 cup spinach
1/2 cup parsley with stems
Cow, almond or cashew milk to cover
1-2 baby aspirins, crushed (optional)
2 teaspoons cinnamon

Put the banana, honey and lemon in the blender. Pulse. Add the spinach, parsley and milk to cover. Add the aspirin (if using) and the cinnamon. Turn the blender on and whirl, dropping ice through the top to make the drink cold and thick. Serve.

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This sandwich is whole wheat, peanut butter and sliced banana, three foods that have tryptophan (that calming amino acid found in turkey.) It is also in other foods; they’re just foods I prefer to drink.

When writing this http://amzn.to/1t5yxbC I learned that peanut and almond butter – any nut butter for that matter – relaxes, calms and stabilizes, so now I put 1/2 cup in my green smoothies. I just don’t want all the whole wheat bread, so I put the other things in my green smoothies.

That’s the beauty of the things: You can get a lot of HUGE nutrition in one single glass. Nut milks jack up the relaxing nature of your smoothie as well.

I can finally drink my healthy eating and that’s a good thing.

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ME? LOOSE WEIGHT? Don’t come in here…how about you shut up…….

Fall is an interesting time to lose weight. I say switch one meal out for a all-liquid meal – find an example in here http://amzn.to/1upNJpC You may get hungry before the next meal. Who cares. Have another one of these. http://amzn.to/1upNJpC The nutrition is so big, you’ll feel full. Drink a lot of water. That’s what you’re made of, mostly. So you need a lot of it and it to keeps you from feeling hungry.

Fall also makes me think of spices such as cinnamon, nutmeg and pumpkin. Cinnamon and apples. Turns out that a teaspoon and a half actually slows the rate your stomach digests food, making you feel full longer. Use it. Scientists are to find the next wave of treatments for the chronically obese, a huge problem in American. (And yes, I saw that with a straight face.)

Fall Cinnamon Banana Green Smoothie
To make this really sing, all the ingredients should begin cold and the ice omitted. However, many use ice. images

1/2 banana, chunked
1/4 avocado, peeled, pitted and sliced
Unsweetened Almond Milk to taste
2 – 3 teaspoons cinnamon
1 cup young spinach leaves
2 tablespoons ground flax
Ice to taste

Whirl the banana and avocado with a little almond milk. Add the cinnamon, spinach and flax. Process, dropping ice through the top with the motor running.