/Beth Wareham

I’ve edited or promoted three editions of the Joy of Cooking as well as Bobby Flay, Danielle Boulud, Mark Bittman, Dr Mark Hyman, etc, and have probably written and edited 25 more cookbooks. What I see, unilaterally, with every new eating trend or innovation is that it dies as the flavor dies. People just need interesting things to eat to make life interesting. Food is one of the simplest ways to cheer someone up. So, make it taste good.

Too many green smoothies taste like the front yard. Too many smoothie advocates are so used to that green/lemon tartness they don’t want other flavor, but my bet is that you do. We are not woodland animals, at least not now. We have more sophisticated palates than the #greensmoothie people give us credit for.

The following are 10 ways to jack up the flavors of you drinks. It may add 30 seconds to 2 minutes to your preparation time, but your smoothie will be jacked and the best in the yard.

1. Melt 1 – 2 ounce fine dark chocolate with high fat content in a double boiler. Add to the smoothie just before you add the ice. Blend and then blend in extra ice to compensate for heat in the chocolate. MILKSHAKE TIME.

2. Grill fruits. That’s right, a slightly charred peach or apricot transforms a smoothie.

3. Use frozen red grapes. This is a perfect summer move and changes the temperature and texture of the smoothie. It will also bring that great red grape health to the drinker.

4. In a small dry frying pan over medium heat, stir your Ceylon cinnamon and turmeric (anti-inflammatory giants) for 1 to 2 minutes or until highly fragrant. Add to smoothie before you add the ice to compensate for the heat. You just may need a few extra cubes.

5. Use flavored teas that accentuate the main ingredient of your smoothie. Instead of adding lemon, use a lemon-flavored tea. If you are making a chocolate smoothie, you can add a complementary flavor such as a raspberry or orange tea as your base liquid.

6. Grow fresh herbs you cannot find in your local grocery. Thai basil is amazing in green smoothies, so is fresh lemongrass, chamomile and verbena. If you can’t find it, grow it.

7. Add liquid homeopathic drops such as valerian for sleepiness or passionflower for insomnia and pain. These drops are sold with or without alcohol, which is moot given how little you will use. Just make sure it tastes good to you and is a remedy that will assist with any issues you have from sleeplessness to anxiety and inflammation.

8. Make your own almond milk – here’s a great recipe http://bit.ly/UgRmxQ and your own cashew milk with this recipe here http://bit.ly/1iUJRav

And of course, ALL the recipes are in here: Skinny Green Smoothies – just click on the title to buy.


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A Paranoid’s Guide to Sugar

imagesPlease, men. Don’t take this personally. I was looking for an image of a gross sugar creation, and this fit the bill. I’m sure all of your have a giant penis and are quite young.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about what sugar is really doing to you and who is supplying that sugar:

1. Food manufacturers pump sugar into the food supply in the same way tar and nicotine were pumped into cigarettes. The assertion is rough but RJ Reynolds and Kraft may have more in common than any of us know.

2. If you believe sugar to be an addiction – and I do – that means that food manufacturers are trying to get you hooked.That should make you mad, like a heroin dealer has moved on your block. Sugar is an important part of most fermented liquids, and alcoholism has a huge sugar-addiction component in it as well.

3. Americans consume, on average, 133 pounds of sugar a year. (See numbers 1 and 2.)

4. Sugars and high corn syrup fructose wreck hell on your hormones, telling the brain you are still hungry. Sugar makes you eat more and more and more…….

5. Sugar accelerates aging (thus the birthday cake as you tick off another year?!?) Sugar creates oxygen radicals that attach to cells, accelerating damage and deterioration on the cellular level which leads to serious disease and wrinkles. Ew!

I had no idea sugar was the anti-Christ until I wrote this   http://amzn.to/1wglPMB   But after giving up smoking and drinking over the course of my life – two very difficult withdrawals – I am a little angry at the food industry for flirting with creating more addiction in the world. Like we don’t have enough already.

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imagesAll over America, cute, yet strangely unattractive moms, are refusing to leave the couch at the dinner hour. Why? Cooking nightly gets on their nerves. Sometimes, they just want to do some other shit that isn’t cooking. Watch Homeland, maybe, or start an online business.

Here are 5 quick meals that rely on 2 things: 1) Your vegetables are delivered in a #green #smoothie that you whirl up in 45 seconds and 2) You follow up with a piece of clean, lean protein that usually takes less than 5 minutes to cook.

So, by our Mom Math, we see that 5 minutes + 45 seconds = Dinner is an excellent formula.

1. Make your own smoothie, instructions are all over the interwebs. Or buy a book. Here’s one All of them are pretty good, though, when it comes to recipes. Give your family their greens.

2. Broil, bake or saute any of the following. None take more than 5 minutes. Serve alongside the #smoothie: Turkey burger; boneless, skinless chicken breast; veggie or tofu burger; 6-oz salmon or any fish filet, fish-fingered or not; boiled shrimp; turkey or chicken whole wheat wraps; chicken sausages, split and grilled; or sliced lunch meats piled high atop toasted whole wheat English muffins.

Perfectionism is not fun nor is it necessary when it comes to feeding your family. Health is. That #green #smoothie will do more to fuel the things you love than you can ever imagine. It also takes the heat off the rest of the meal: Simple protein completes the nutrition.

Return to couch. Wonder what Saul and Carrie are up to…..Start a competitor to #NastyGirl.

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You Know What the Wisdom of Menopause Is? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

imagesMenopause is the world’s biggest con. Thirty-year old women, well-seasoned at childbirth, would fling themselves from water towers if they knew the humiliating, sleepless sweat-fest in store for them. Being peed and pooped on by children is nothing compared to breaking into a fop sweat on stage during a presentation. “Oh, just towel her off and keep going,” joked the CEO. Like NEVER. The day we shatter menopause is the day we shatter the glass ceiling.

Not an OB/GYN on the planet seemed to have ideas on how to mitigate my symptoms. The press, reporting on medical news, seemed to only offer sensationalized, contradictory material. Born into a family full of women dead of breast cancer, my options were tight.

Then, I did something revolutionary. <ironical statement>  I used food. I looked up the foods I really, really needed as my body was oozing estrogen and sweat. I figured out that for me, magnesium (as in MILK OF…) soothed my jumpiness and helped me sleep. When I got sleep, I didn’t seem to feel creepy in my skin the next day. And, if my skin didn’t creep, I wouldn’t sweat as much.

I looked up magnesium and found that spinach sat at the top of the list. Of great. You have to bring a wheelbarrow of the stuff home to cook up 2 servings. But  raw? It lasts forever. Knowing I would tire of spinach salads by Wednesday, I took to the blender.

I wrote this http://amzn.to/1wsBvMt   Sure, it’s got a weight-loss title but it’s also a book about easing menopause symptoms because that’s what I had to do when I wrote it. Here, my sweaty lovely ladies are the foods to cram into your blender, at least twice a day, until you rid yourself of that dreadful “natural process.”

Here are my favorite five:

1. Raw spinach (a cup in every smoothie you make)

2. Banana (1/2 at a time to keep calories down)

3. Avocado (1/2 at a time and great for savory smoothies)

4. Cashews, Almonds and Peanuts   (Use first two as a nut milks, add peanut butter by the tablespoon)

5. Dark chocolate  (Use 75 – 80% fat cacao powder. It cleans out cells and helps with water retention.)

During peri-menopause, you’ll have to fight the good fight. Get aggressive with doctors, read, exercise a lot. Menopause is serious business and don’t you let anyone tell you it isn’t. Besides, no one can stand with their head in the freezer for two years. I tried.

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Stop Being Stupid about Protein: 5 Clean Substitutes That Don’t Kill Chickens


Oh, lean white meat is just fine. The only problem is it takes like NOTHING. I burn my chicken just so it will have some sort of flavor and I know I’m alive.

Here are some other ideas that can hold their weight with the dreaded skinless, boneless

1. Romaine lettuce: 50% protein and 18% healthy fat by calories makes it more protein-rich than a chicken breast.

2. Avocado – It’s a fruit and it has more protein than cow’s milk. Enough said.

3. Ounce of almonds – Thats 14 grams of fat or about 1/2 of an average woman’s intake per day or 25 grams.

4. Flax Seed: Buy a bag of unground seeds. It lasts forever. Grind before putting into your smoothie: l cup has 12 grams of your protein needs. Put in a tablespoon in your smoothie and you are on your way to meeting daily requirements.

5. Homemade cashew milk – 6 grams of protein per serving (remember girls, you need 25 grams) and so fresh and delicious, it changes your outlook on life. Here are great instructions for homemade cashew milk:


Let’s give the chickens a few days off. Let’s give our tastebuds something besides those flavorless, skinless boneless boobs. I worry that eating so much of them makes us dumb as chickens and certainly contributes to our methane gas problems. Cow farts. Chicken farts. People farts, I suppose.

Poor Earth.

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No, they are not part of your book group.


These beauties are here because of their diet: Greens and oats. The #greens in green #smoothies you have covered – spinach, kale – but the oats are problematic.

Not so. Take 1/2 cup old-fashioned oats (the good kind that really does cut into cholesterol), put it into your blender first and grind away. You can have your oat-laced smoothie as chunky or smooth as you’d like. Add the rest of your ingredients to the powdery – or not – oatmeal.

I believe oatmeal goes best with a base of banana or yogurt, but hey, it’s your smoothie.

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Peter Griffin is real and yeah, he’s fat

Some people have a fat personality. Now, before you get all mad, hear me out.

Fat is a lifestyle. Fat is an American lifestyle. You wear stretchy clothes, hang out with people like yourself, eat, drink and be merry. I’ve seen you people, deep in the fat lifestyle. I envied you: you were howling with laughter every time. i resented your lightness of spirit even though I knew your inseam would give from the load. At times, I was one of you.

There is only one problem with the siren’s call of the large lifestyle: it’s hard on your heart. And your liver and kidneys. Your joints don’t like it either. Hormones are manufactured in human fat so the endocrine system malfunctions – or over functions – as well. Diabetes is the scariest: too many missing limbs.

Live large, if you feel the need. Do not not sustain it. Understand that you court a reduced lifespan just as you would if you smoked a pack a day. Just as the Mad Men died in their 60s from smoke and drink, obese Americans will die far too early, breaking everyone’s heart.

Lose weight. Start by drinking a milkshake-like creation instead of a solid snack. You can have banana and chocolate and peanut butter. http://amzn.to/1uCAcdf In a couple of days or weeks, try one instead of lunch. Or try two instead of lunch. You will not believe what happens when your body gets what it needs.

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I’m a green smoothie addict. I was one before I wrote this book http://amzn.to/1twjvvH Now, I’m 40 pounds thinner.

How? First, I replaced one snack a day with a smoothie. Then two. As I got more nutrition, I wasn’t craving sugar. I realized I forgot lunch. So, I’d have a smoothie mid-afternoon. In short, I quit worrying about “meals” and focused on nutrition, drinking nutrition. That’s always more fun anyway. Two months later, I was thin. Is thin fun? Sure. But really, thin just feels better. No camel toe, EVER.

Now, #smoothies have a new breakthrough: OATMEAL. How fantastic to get your oatmeal into your glass of green goodness? Think of what that oatmeal is going to do for stabilizing your blood sugar and dragging out cholesterol and bad fats?


Henceforward, grind 1/4 cup oatmeal in your blender before putting in any other ingredients. You need to break that grain down. Then, proceed with your regular smoothie making. The oatmeal adds texture and bulk and will help you get thinner and healthier even faster.

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In the airport in Bangor, Maine, the women’s room to be exact, (they NEVER let me in the men’s room), I saw something that froze my heart: Locked boxes on the wall that said “USED SYRINGES HERE.”

Really? There are THAT MANY diabetics in the Bangor, Maine area? It is possible, I suppose. And tragic. Being from New York City, syringes like that bespeak of heroin and crack addiction, loss, dirt, poverty, AIDS. This diabetes thing scares me.

So, here’s a list of foods to eat daily that help regulate and stabilize blood sugar levels. If I were you, I would whirl them up in these: http://amzn.to/1utbLih It’s just really easy to drink your vegetables and may keep you away from the syringe box.

The top 10 foods for blood sugar stabilization. You’ll also be less anxious and more even tempered too.

1. Blueberries, fresh or no-sugar-added frozen
2. Avocado, my favorite base for green smoothies
3. Ground flax seeds – nutty tasting with a wonderful texture, grind before using
4. Ceylon cinnamon – insist on Ceylon, the lightest color of all the cinnamons. Order it to get the real
5. Mango
6. Tumeric – the yellow spice used in Indian cooking is a huge detoxifier. It has little flavor so use it.
7. Cherries – Bing cherries, pitted, fresh or frozen, no-sugar-added
8. Strawberries
9. Spinach
10. Sparkling waters

Enjoy. Oh, and did I tell you I lost 40 lbs eating these foods? Try it. You’ll love being called SKINNY

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I was just living a regular life, eating crap and lounging, when I mistakenly brought a banana home from Ralph’s.

That banana had the the face of Abraham Lincoln burned in his side. He spoke to me and said, “You, stop being so lazy and fat.” I was so embarrassed. Abraham. Damn. Lincoln.

I vowed then and there to stop being fat. So, I started drinking a green smoothie a day. At first, I drank one as a snack. Then, I substituted a meal for a green smoothie. Then two. I felt great. I couldn’t stop. I drank more and wrote this http://amzn.to/1uFsHna

Bananas and avocados are both go-to fruits that bind green smoothies together. Here is how to make your choice

1. Avocados have the least calories. If you are trying to lose
weight, rely on them more than bananas at the beginning of your smoothie-making.

2. Bananas -green being the least calories and ripe the most,
– bananas have more calories than avocado but have wonderful nourishing vitamins
for muscles. If you exercise and burn calories, a banana is perfect for you.

3. Plantains If you are an athlete, plantains are the best of
all. They have the most calories but enormous nutritional power. Eat ripe,
soft black ones.

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